J-BURG

Kelly Wheeler - October 26th, 2009 www.news24.com

We all know the boring stuff: Johannesburg is the most populated city in South Africa and used to be an important centre for gold and diamond trade.

But what about the more interesting things? Haven't you always wanted to know how many street lights the city has?

We've put together 15 lesser known and rather useless Jo'burg facts to help you fill those awkward lulls in dinner party conversation. Enjoy!

1. Jo'burg is filled with trees - roughly 10 million of them. That's more than two trees for every person.

2. Feel like this day has gone on forever? You are exaggerating - Jo'burg gets roughly 12 hours of sunlight per day.

3. Jo'burg has quite a prolific elderly population - 40% of the world's human ancestor fossils were found in and around the city.

4. Jo'burg is home to 8,149 kilometres of sewerage pipes. So be patient if your loo clogs - it has a long way to go.

5. Jozi lies 2000 metres above sea level. Why do you need to know this? This makes the air thinner which means that you'll have to add on an extra minute to get your eggs to boil.

6. The city also holds the honour of being the only place in Africa where you can see a polar bear. Two in fact - housed at the Johannesburg Zoo.

7. Commuters spend an average of 72 minutes travelling in Jozi. And many argue that it is faster to walk.

8. Jo'burg has 59 public swimming pools.

9. Of the 7519 kilometres of roads in Johannesburg only 905 kilometres is untarred. So those urban SUVs and 4x4s are really just for show.

10. During one century, Johannesburg was technically rebuilt four times: it started out as a tented camp for mine workers and then slowly worked its way up to a tin shanty town. This gave way to four-storey Edwardian brick buildings and finally a city of modern skyscrapers.

11. Johannesburg is one of the 40 largest metropolitan areas in the world and is Africa's second largest city - Cairo took first position. It is also one of the youngest major cities in the world - established only 123 years ago.

12. Despite having no oceans, you can go surfing... in a mine dump. Snowboarding on the yellow sand of an abandoned mine dump is now all the rage.

13. Despite being a large urban area, around 1569 hectares of the land that makes up the city of Johannesburg is covered by nature reserves.

14. It has the largest neon sign in the southern hemisphere. Allegedly. Australia claims the same title - who to believe?

15. Between them, Jozi's residents earn a combined income of over R28 billion a year.

Oh, and the city has 180 000 street lights... just in case you were wondering.

 

BENONI - WIKIPEDIA

Strange Fact of Benoni – John lives there?

Who the hell is John.

 

 

FW: HAHAHA

MATRIMONY

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one man said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong woman."  

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

 When a woman steals your husband,
 there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

 

A man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.

 

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was the man who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,but by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say --- talk in your sleep.  

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're damn lucky, mine's still alive."

 A Woman's Prayer:
"Dear Lord, give me Wisdom, to understand this man, and for Patience, to overlook his many moods.
 Because Lord, if I pray for Strength  I'll just beat him to death".

AND NOW... MY FAVORITE...

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded.
Only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him,
"Why don't you put a piece of rubber on the end of your stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.

 

64 SLEEPS!

Count down is getting more exciting now… Christmas is only 2 months and 3 sleeps away!

 

HAHAHA!

Forgive Your Enemies

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

"Ms.Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Ms. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-three."

"Ms. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to ninety-three and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady teetered down the aisle, very slowly turned around & said: "It's easy. I just outlived them all!"

 

 

FYI

Mother in-law

If you switch a few letters around you get….

WOMAN HITLER

 

Strange but true!

 

FOR THE RECORD – I LOVE MY “MOTHER IN-LAW”

 

 

ELMO!

I LOVE ELMO!

 

If there is one thing I really want is a Tickle Me Elmo doll.

Just to cute for words – love the giggle!

 

 

NEWS HEADLINES

Meet the two-year-old genius Oscar Wrigley - Julie Moult

October 10, 2009 11:00pm

MEET the two-year-old with the brain of Einstein. Oscar Wrigley has an IQ of at least 160 . . . and at two years and five months, is the youngest child to be accepted into Mensa, the international organisation for people with exceptional intelligence. His score is equal to Einstein and acclaimed British scientist Stephen Hawking.

Oscar's parents say their little genius began talking at nine months and by 18 months was reciting the alphabet in the bath.

By the time he turned two, he had a vocabulary stretching to thousands of words, while most children his age would have mastered only about 50.

Now Oscar lectures his amazed mum and dad about the reproductive cycle of penguins and conducts classical music symphonies as he listens, identifying individual instruments.

His father Joe, 29, is fully expecting the day to come "when he turns around and tells me I'm an idiot".

"Oscar is a child of very superior intelligence," said Dr Peter Congdon, from the Gifted Children's Information Centre in London.

"His abilities fall well within the range sometimes referred to as intellectually gifted. He demonstrated outstanding ability."

Dr Congdon ranked the toddler in the 99.99th percentile, meaning he is one in 100,000 in terms of his intelligence.

Oscar lives with his IT specialist dad and stay-at-home mum Hannah, 26, in Reading, England.

Both parents have normal IQs, although Oscar's maternal uncle, Jonathan Masters, was a child prodigy who began a university degree in computing aged just 13.

"He is always asking questions," Joe said. "Every parent likes to think their child is special, but we always knew there was something particularly remarkable about Oscar."

Assessors at the Gifted Children's Information Centre said Oscar, an only child, is one of the brightest youngsters they have come across.

His intelligence is literally off the scale, with the 45-minute Stanford-Binet test being unable to measure higher than 160.

He will need to be tested further in the years to come to establish his exact score.

Oscar's parents say they encourage him to follow any activity in which he shows interest.

He is already showing a gift for music and has asked for a saxophone for Christmas, despite the fact he is far too small to be able to play.

"He will sit in the back of the car listening to the Indiana Jones soundtrack and he'll be conducting with his fingers," Joe said.

"Then he'll say, 'Here comes the brass with the French horn' and then 'Here come the strings'."

Hannah said that Oscar "amazes everyone".

"We knew at 12 weeks he was extremely bright. He was unusually alert," she said.

"At four months, I would hold up two items of clothing and he would pick out which he wanted to wear.

"His vocabulary is amazing. He's able to construct complex sentences. The other day he said to me, 'Mummy, sausages are like a party in my mouth'."

A spokesman for Mensa confirmed he was the youngest boy to join the society, which requires a minimum IQ of 148.

Mensa UK chief executive John Stevenage said: "Oscar shows great potential. Converting that potential to achievement is the challenge for his parents and we are delighted that they have chosen to join the Mensa network for support."

 

VID OF THE YEAR!

JOKE OF THE DAY

 

Just love Cyanide and Happiness – Legend Cartooning

 

 

Ever been on hold?

What is it with the music?

 

I called today to FNB and the song they played was the classical music from the YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS!

Now why use the Young and the Restless – guess that it how the people feel that are on hold?

I think that after the 3 minutes on hold the cd / song was starting to skip – that was driving me insane asd it kept on repeating over and over again on that spot.

 

But must admit, love the WE VALUE YOUR CALL AND WILL ATTEND TO YOU SHORTLY – yeah right!

Ten minutes later and the music still has not changed – guess its better than some doef doef music???

 

 

SHAKIRA - SHE WOLF

S.O.S she is in disguise
S.O.S she is in disguise
There’s a she wolf in disguise,
Coming out, coming out, coming out

A domesticated girl that’s all you ask of me,
Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy.
Moon’s awake now, with eyes wide open
My body is craving, so feed the hungry

I’ve devoting myself to you
Monday to Monday
And Friday to Friday
Not getting enough retribution or decent incentives to keep me at it

Starting to feel just a little abused
Like a coffine machine in an office (aaa)
So im gonna go somewhere closer
To get me a lover and tell you about it

There’s a she wolf in the closet,
Open up and set her free (auuuu)
There’s a she wolf in the closet,
Let it out so it can breath (inhales, exhales)

Sitting across the bar, staring right at her pray,
It’s going well so far, she’s gonna get her way.
Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent,
The moon’s my teacher, and I’m her student.

To look at the single man I’ve got on me a special radar,
And the fire department’s hotline in case I get in trouble later
Not looking for cute little divos or rich city guys that just want to enjoy
I’m having a very good time in the heat, very bad in the arms of a boy

There’s a she wolf in the closet,
Open up and set her free (auuuuuu..)
There’s a she wolf in the closet,
Let it out so it can breath (inhales, exhales)

S.O.S she is in disguise
S.O.S she is in disguise,  (breaths heavily)
There’s a she wolf in disguise,
Coming out, coming out, coming out

S.O.S she is in disguise
S.O.S she is in disguise
There’s a she wolf in disguise,
Coming out, coming out, coming out

There’s a she wolf in the closet,
Let it out so it can breath (inhales, exhales)

 

The End is Near

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard a big splash.

"Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?"

 

 

Happy 57^th Birthday BARCODE!

 

Barcode

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

For the taxonomic method, see DNA barcoding.

For further information specifically on Matrix codes, see Data matrix (computer).

A barcode is an optical machine-readable representation of data. Originally, bar codes represented data in the widths (lines) and the spacings of parallel lines, and may be referred to as linear or 1D (1 dimensional) barcodes or symbologies. They also come in patterns of squares, dots, hexagons and other geometric patterns within images termed 2D (2 dimensional) matrix codes or symbologies. Although 2D systems use symbols other than bars, they are generally referred to as barcodes as well.

The first use of barcodes was to label railroad cars, but they were not commercially successful until they were used to automate supermarket checkout systems, a task in which they have become almost universal. Their use has spread to many other roles as well, tasks that are generically referred to as Auto ID Data Capture (AIDC). Other systems are attempting to make inroads in the AIDC market, but the simplicity, universality and low cost of barcodes has limited the role of these other systems. It costs about half a United States cent (US$0.005) to implement a barcode compared to passive RFID which still costs about $0.07 to $0.30 per tag.^[1]

Barcodes can be read by optical scanners called barcode readers, or scanned from an image by special software. Scanning software for 2D codes is built-in to or available for many mobile phones, and is especially popular in Japan, India & Europe.

Homesick

I have lived for over 4 years now in Johannesburg, a 700 km (7 hours) drive away from my parents.  This is my home now, I work, I play and love Johannesburg, but every once in a while I really miss HOME.

They say home is where the heart is; my family is very important to me and every now and again my heart longs to be closer, to get a big hug and just know my parents are there :)


So normally how I deal with the home sickness is:
Email mom and let her know I love and miss Make a lovely HOME cooked meal to try and feel more HOMELY.

Play all the golden oldies and reminisce the holidays on the beach, music, sand and sun was always present.
Cuddle up with my favourite teddy bear and tug myself in tightly in bed.

Only 80 more sleeps then I get to see my parents again :)

only...

***82 sleeps till its Christmas***

HAPPY BDAY DAD

From morning till night
May your birthday be bright
And nicer than ever before……
And as years come and go
May your happiness grow
And your dreams be fulfilled
Even more

Happy Birthday DAD

** LOVE YOU LOTS **

 

FASHION!

BAG LADY:   In Paris, a model presents a creation by Belgian designer Dries Van Noten for his Spring Summer 2010 ready-to-wear collection. (Jacques Brinon, AP) (source www.news24.com)

 

Must say I have been looking at the various fashion weeks photos etc and really LOVE the colours!

Cant wait for summer gear to really settle in – going to be a summer full of colour, lots of GOLD jewelry!

 

FrIdAy

Friday :) - My second favorite day of the week (Sunday being my favourite)

 

Its TIE day at the office and everyone is looking very smart and cute.

The FD is wearing a BOW TIE (looking like a butler), drivers are wearing very smart shirts and tie, Stores Department are wearing Cow Boy Ties and I am wearing my pant braces and black tie.

 

Looking forward to the Birthday Party later this afternoon as well.

We have so much in-store, lovely eats, drinks, music and even a LUCKY DRAW!!

 

 

My year so far

 

January – Really hating my job and wishing that I could get out of recruitment!

 

February – offered a job (still in recruitment) and keen for a change, resigned on my birthday and was asked to leave 2 weeks earlier than expected.

Had my sister come visit and though it was a hectic week we still had a good time.

 

March – Started my new job.  Kinda was my own boss and had to learn to be very productive!

Went to Coke Fest and saw SNOW PATROL – was super cool!

 

April – Month full of holidays J Got to see the family again!

 

May – working like a machine – feeling depro that things are not working out so great L

Still partied allot with friends and just had some fun!

 

June – did my first semi PHOTOSHOOT was fun and learnt that a good photo speaks a thousand words.

Found out that I am being retrenched – heartbroken.

 

July – still trying to get a job and finally was offered a role – something different!

CHANGE IS AS GOOD AS A HOLIDAY!

 

August – working so hard, waking up extra early, travelling 2 hours a day

 

September – Its finally SPRING!

My family come and visit and we attend the wedding of James and Dionne my dear friends.

 

October – Its here and still enjoying my job!

Counting down to xmas already – ONLY 85 more SLEEPS!

 

TIE DAY!

Friday is TIE DAY!

 

We are having some fun at the office tomorrow with it being our TIE DAY!

Cant wait to see what the people come up with – we have a few creative brains in the office.

Will post a pic on Monday if I can get everyone to pose for the shot!

 

Ooooooooo I still have to make myself a tie!

Darn it leave everything for number 99.