Johnny is a very wise and funny young boy and a good listener too.
One day his teacher gave the class a test like this:
a) 7+5=
b) 19-8=
c) 8+8=
And Johnny wrote his answers:
a) 7+5= Jesus
b) 19-8= Jesus
c) 8+8= Jesus
After marking the test the teacher quite amused called Johnny and said: ‘Can you please explain to the class how you got
your answers’
Johnny stood up, smiled and said: ‘That’s very simple. In Sunday school we’ve learnt that Jesus is the answer.’
To be on HOLIDAY!!
Its 10h00 and I am still at the office – I WANT TO BE ON HOLIDAY!
Only 9 more hours and I will be flying back to the Coast – Cant wait to see the see and all the family!
This holiday is going to be one full of laughs, relaxation and visiting all the family and friends J
MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!
Wishing everyone a new year filled with growth and prosperity
See you all on the other side of 2010 :)
It’s the SiLLy Season and more and more people are travelling to their holiday destinations by road. Please BUCKLE UP! NO EXCUSES!
I personally always buckle up, even if we are just driving down the complex, it takes a split second for something to happen.
Lets all rather be safe than sorry!
BUCKLE UP – NO EXCUSES!
Strange Things You Likely
Didn't Know ???
A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and
down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2" by 3-1/2".
During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can be seen
in the distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily!
(That explains a few mysteries....)
Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, "Elementary, my dear Watson."
Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per
side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange,
purple and silver.
Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space
because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
Weatherman Willard Scott was the first Ronald McDonald.
If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will
instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who
discovered this??)
Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down
so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in
the USA."
The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which
stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player
for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.
By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot
sink into quicksand.
Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a
piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin
look-alike contest.
An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman
to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!
The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book
most often stolen from public libraries.
The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!
Thanks to Deborah for submitting this!!
And another via email --this comes by Suzie T....
In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Men can read smaller print then women can; women can hear better.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace.
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the "honeymoon".
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them, "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
They are officially in town!
I am so excited and can not wait to see them at their first show TONIGHT!
I have my own little gang of friends that are coming along – so think its going to be AWESOME.
As a true fan I will bit farewell to my voice tonight and sing my little heart out!
LOVE THE KILLERS!
How to prevent shark attacks:
1. Don't swim in the sea.
More than 99% of all shark attacks happen in large water masses, also known as oceans. The way to establish if you're in an ocean is to taste the water. It should taste salty.
2. Swim with fat people.
Always make sure there are fat people already in the water before you enter. Chances are you will be able to swim faster than them and save yourself.
3. Don't go in the water without a knife.
That's to stab the nearest swimmer when you see a shark. As soon as he/she bleeds profusely, swim as fast as you can to the shore and claim you tried your best to save him/her. You might end up getting an award for bravery.
4. Listen intently.
All sharks have a 'theme song' - If you hear the following, swim for your life : da-dam, da-dam, da-dam. If it sounds like this dadam, dadam, dadam you're already gone.
5. Don't panic.
Stay calm when a shark bites you. Its over, you're gone and it doesn't help you try and survive. The people on the shore will appreciate it, they don't want to hear your mad yelling and screaming, it's not nice. Please think of the children.....
Really love when Google changes their logo for a specific reason.
Today being COOKIE MONSTER – as SESAME STREET celebrates 40th Anniversary!
Kelly Wheeler - October 26th, 2009 www.news24.com
We all know the boring stuff: Johannesburg is the most populated city in South Africa and used to be an important centre for gold and diamond trade.
But what about the more interesting things? Haven't you always wanted to know how many street lights the city has?
We've put together 15 lesser known and rather useless Jo'burg facts to help you fill those awkward lulls in dinner party conversation. Enjoy!
1. Jo'burg is filled with trees - roughly 10 million of them. That's more than two trees for every person.
2. Feel like this day has gone on forever? You are exaggerating - Jo'burg gets roughly 12 hours of sunlight per day.
3. Jo'burg has quite a prolific elderly population - 40% of the world's human ancestor fossils were found in and around the city.
4. Jo'burg is home to 8,149 kilometres of sewerage pipes. So be patient if your loo clogs - it has a long way to go.
5. Jozi lies 2000 metres above sea level. Why do you need to know this? This makes the air thinner which means that you'll have to add on an extra minute to get your eggs to boil.
6. The city also holds the honour of being the only place in Africa where you can see a polar bear. Two in fact - housed at the Johannesburg Zoo.
7. Commuters spend an average of 72 minutes travelling in Jozi. And many argue that it is faster to walk.
8. Jo'burg has 59 public swimming pools.
9. Of the 7519 kilometres of roads in Johannesburg only 905 kilometres is untarred. So those urban SUVs and 4x4s are really just for show.
10. During one century, Johannesburg was technically rebuilt four times: it started out as a tented camp for mine workers and then slowly worked its way up to a tin shanty town. This gave way to four-storey Edwardian brick buildings and finally a city of modern skyscrapers.
11. Johannesburg is one of the 40 largest metropolitan areas in the world and is Africa's second largest city - Cairo took first position. It is also one of the youngest major cities in the world - established only 123 years ago.
12. Despite having no oceans, you can go surfing... in a mine dump. Snowboarding on the yellow sand of an abandoned mine dump is now all the rage.
13. Despite being a large urban area, around 1569 hectares of the land that makes up the city of Johannesburg is covered by nature reserves.
14. It has the largest neon sign in the southern hemisphere. Allegedly. Australia claims the same title - who to believe?
15. Between them, Jozi's residents earn a combined income of over R28 billion a year.
Oh, and the city has 180 000 street lights... just in case you were wondering.
MATRIMONY
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one man said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong woman."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was the man who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,but by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say --- talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're damn lucky, mine's still alive."
A Woman's Prayer:
"Dear Lord, give me Wisdom, to understand this man, and for Patience, to overlook his many moods.
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death".
AND NOW... MY FAVORITE...
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded.
Only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him,
"Why don't you put a piece of rubber on the end of your stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.
Forgive Your Enemies
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.
After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.
"Ms.Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Ms. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three."
"Ms. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to ninety-three and not have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady teetered down the aisle, very slowly turned around & said: "It's easy. I just outlived them all!"
Mother in-law
If you switch a few letters around you get….
WOMAN HITLER
Strange but true!
FOR THE RECORD – I LOVE MY “MOTHER IN-LAW”
I LOVE ELMO!
If there is one thing I really want is a Tickle Me Elmo doll.
Just to cute for words – love the giggle!
October 10, 2009 11:00pm
MEET the two-year-old with the brain of Einstein. Oscar Wrigley has an IQ of at least 160 . . . and at two years and five months, is the youngest child to be accepted into Mensa, the international organisation for people with exceptional intelligence. His score is equal to Einstein and acclaimed British scientist Stephen Hawking.
Oscar's parents say their little genius began talking at nine months and by 18 months was reciting the alphabet in the bath.
By the time he turned two, he had a vocabulary stretching to thousands of words, while most children his age would have mastered only about 50.
Now Oscar lectures his amazed mum and dad about the reproductive cycle of penguins and conducts classical music symphonies as he listens, identifying individual instruments.
His father Joe, 29, is fully expecting the day to come "when he turns around and tells me I'm an idiot".
"Oscar is a child of very superior intelligence," said Dr Peter Congdon, from the Gifted Children's Information Centre in London.
"His abilities fall well within the range sometimes referred to as intellectually gifted. He demonstrated outstanding ability."
Dr Congdon ranked the toddler in the 99.99th percentile, meaning he is one in 100,000 in terms of his intelligence.
Oscar lives with his IT specialist dad and stay-at-home mum Hannah, 26, in Reading, England.
Both parents have normal IQs, although Oscar's maternal uncle, Jonathan Masters, was a child prodigy who began a university degree in computing aged just 13.
"He is always asking questions," Joe said. "Every parent likes to think their child is special, but we always knew there was something particularly remarkable about Oscar."
Assessors at the Gifted Children's Information Centre said Oscar, an only child, is one of the brightest youngsters they have come across.
His intelligence is literally off the scale, with the 45-minute Stanford-Binet test being unable to measure higher than 160.
He will need to be tested further in the years to come to establish his exact score.
Oscar's parents say they encourage him to follow any activity in which he shows interest.
He is already showing a gift for music and has asked for a saxophone for Christmas, despite the fact he is far too small to be able to play.
"He will sit in the back of the car listening to the Indiana Jones soundtrack and he'll be conducting with his fingers," Joe said.
"Then he'll say, 'Here comes the brass with the French horn' and then 'Here come the strings'."
Hannah said that Oscar "amazes everyone".
"We knew at 12 weeks he was extremely bright. He was unusually alert," she said.
"At four months, I would hold up two items of clothing and he would pick out which he wanted to wear.
"His vocabulary is amazing. He's able to construct complex sentences. The other day he said to me, 'Mummy, sausages are like a party in my mouth'."
A spokesman for Mensa confirmed he was the youngest boy to join the society, which requires a minimum IQ of 148.
Mensa UK chief executive John Stevenage said: "Oscar shows great potential. Converting that potential to achievement is the challenge for his parents and we are delighted that they have chosen to join the Mensa network for support."
What is it with the music?
I called today to FNB and the song they played was the classical music from the YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS!
Now why use the Young and the Restless – guess that it how the people feel that are on hold?
I think that after the 3 minutes on hold the cd / song was starting to skip – that was driving me insane asd it kept on repeating over and over again on that spot.
But must admit, love the WE VALUE YOUR CALL AND WILL ATTEND TO YOU SHORTLY – yeah right!
Ten minutes later and the music still has not changed – guess its better than some doef doef music???
S.O.S she is in disguise
S.O.S she is in disguise
There’s a she wolf in disguise,
Coming out, coming out, coming out
A domesticated girl that’s all you ask of me,
Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy.
Moon’s awake now, with eyes wide open
My body is craving, so feed the hungry
I’ve devoting myself to you
Monday to Monday
And Friday to Friday
Not getting enough retribution or decent incentives to keep me at it
Starting to feel just a little abused
Like a coffine machine in an office (aaa)
So im gonna go somewhere closer
To get me a lover and tell you about it
There’s a she wolf in the closet,
Open up and set her free (auuuu)
There’s a she wolf in the closet,
Let it out so it can breath (inhales, exhales)
Sitting across the bar, staring right at her pray,
It’s going well so far, she’s gonna get her way.
Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent,
The moon’s my teacher, and I’m her student.
To look at the single man I’ve got on me a special radar,
And the fire department’s hotline in case I get in trouble later
Not looking for cute little divos or rich city guys that just want to enjoy
I’m having a very good time in the heat, very bad in the arms of a boy
There’s a she wolf in the closet,
Open up and set her free (auuuuuu..)
There’s a she wolf in the closet,
Let it out so it can breath (inhales, exhales)
S.O.S she is in disguise
S.O.S she is in disguise, (breaths heavily)
There’s a she wolf in disguise,
Coming out, coming out, coming out
S.O.S she is in disguise
S.O.S she is in disguise
There’s a she wolf in disguise,
Coming out, coming out, coming out
There’s a she wolf in the closet,
Let it out so it can breath (inhales, exhales)
